


Colour Me Inside Out

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe- non magic, Angst, Asexual Character, Asexual Remus, Blind Character, Blind James, Desi Potters, Falling In Love, Fluff, Genderfluid Sirius, Get together fic, Happy Ending, M/M, Marriage, Multi, Open Marriage, Open Relationships, Palestinian Sirius, Polyamory, Relationship Issues, Sex Replused Remus, Slow Burn, Trans Harry, demimale Sirius, fears of infidelity, feelings of infidelity, libido'd Sirius, miscommunications, modern marauders, teen harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2016-01-22
Packaged: 2018-05-15 11:54:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5784418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In spite of their fundamental differences, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin have a happy marriage.  It's open, and they have strict rules.  Only one night, a stranger at a pub turns everything upside down, and now both are afraid with these new feelings, it means everything's falling apart.  Neither of them expect this outcome when James Potter enters their lives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Colour Me Inside Out

**Author's Note:**

> So just some warnings-- this fic is angsty. It's coming from the idea that a marriage might be falling apart, until both of these giant nerds realise what they actually need. Some of the subject matter treads the water of potential infidelity (more an emotional affair than physical, but it still counts) so if any of that is triggering for you, please skip this.
> 
> I wrote this as a thanks for over 800 followers on Tumblr, and also because someone tried to invalidate my asexuality and I just needed to feel like asexual and sex repulsed people can find their happy endings regardless. 
> 
> This is by no means the norm, nor am I trying to suggest that asexual/libidoed couples need to be poly or in an open relationship to make it function. I was just in the mood for some Wolfstarbucks which is why the pairing is the way it is.
> 
> If this is your cuppa, I hope you enjoy! x

To show my true colors  
I must first be exposed to the light  
I transverse and secondly fight  
With all my might

I've blown my cover  
in plain view I'm as plain as you  
But you can't deny my hues  
Red blue chartreuse  
-Capital Cities

Sat at a small pub table away from the bar, the man with a full head of messy, dark-tawny curls leant forward and smiled. “There’s one getting a drink now. Quite fit.”

Sirius Black lifted a brow at his boyfriend and glanced over. The man at the bar was definitely fit, but not his type. Sirius didn’t like the typical, British white-boy look, although for whatever reason, Remus was constantly pointing them out. “Really, Moons?”

Snickering into his pint, Remus shrugged. “You always turn them down. I mean, you’ll never know until you try, right?”

“Trust me, I’ve had plenty and they can’t suck cock.”

Remus snorted a laugh and reached over, stroking his hand over Sirius’ thin knuckles. “Alright well…there’s not a lot to choose from tonight, so you might have to adjust your standards.”

Sirius huffed into his martini, pulling one of olives out and taking a dainty bite. “Well,” he said primly, “maybe I’ll just skip it tonight.”

Remus shook his head. “You’re wound up, love. I don’t mind waiting. I want a good night’s sleep and you know you’ll be impossible if you don’t get a decent shag.”

Sometimes Sirius wondered how they’d managed to get here. How the two of them actually worked, how Remus could just be so…Remus. They’d met when Remus was at University. Sirius had inherited an old record store his uncle had run just before his death, and Remus would come by on weekends, scouring the pound bin for used, obscure albums.

Sirius attempted to chat him up for absolutely ages, turned down every time in spite of how obvious it was Remus fancied him. Sirius knew he was attractive. The only good things he’d inherited from his family were the modelesque good looks and ability to charm the pants off almost anyone who gave him the time of day. He had a decent mixture of his English mother’s cheekbones and grey eyes, and his Palestinian father’s thick, long, pitch-black hair, dark olive skin, sharp jawbone, and wicked smile. He identified as genderfluid—mostly demimale, and had a love of tight leggings and tunic blouses, motorbike boots, and pale pink lip gloss. He swore like a sailor and would slip into Arabic without even thinking about it.

Most people couldn’t resist. No one ever had, really. Not when he was trying.

Remus came in all patchwork trousers and knitted beanies with his wild curls and amber eyes. He had a Welsh accent which made Sirius go weak in the knees, and once he’d come in after celebrating Pesach with his kippah holding a travel mug of tea, and he pulled a chocolate Easter egg from his pocket and slid it across the counter to Sirius whispering, “Don’t tell anyone what a rebel I’ve been today.”

Sirius was fairly certain in that moment he was irrevocably in love with Remus Lupin.

It came to a head one night after finally getting Remus to agree to a pint. “You like me,” he pointed out, a bit pissed on a couple gin martinis. “You do. I can tell.”

“I’d be a fool not to,” Remus replied with a small shrug. He was thumbing the rim of his pint and not meeting Sirius’ eyes. “You’re gorgeous and wonderful and probably the kindest anyone has ever been to me. But it’s not going to work out.”

Sirius guessed everything from terminal illness to secret spy, but the truth was both far more simple and far more complicated. Remus was a sex-repulsed asexual, and Sirius was teetering on the border of being considered hyper-sexual, and he craved sex all the time.

He wanted to give it a go, though. He was wrapped up in Remus Lupin and there was no turning back and when he said that, Remus confessed he felt the same thing.

It crashed and burnt in three months.

Sirius was wound up and shower wanks were not taking the edge off. He couldn’t ask Remus to compromise his own sexuality, but he was treading the waters of misery and resentment and he didn’t want to destroy what beautiful thing they were creating by loving each other.

Remus was the one who came up with the solution. “Open relationship.”

They were sat at the very same pub they had their first date, and Sirius almost choked on the olive he was biting into. “Fuck off. I’m not going to cheat on you.”

“It’s not cheating if I say it’s okay,” Remus said. “I’m never going to want sex, Sirius. And you want it all the time. I’m not saying fall in love, or bring someone else home. I’m saying go out and get your bloody rocks off and then crawl back in bed with me and hold me. You’re my best friend and I’m madly in love with you. So it’s this or…”

“Chemical castration?” Sirius offered.

“Don’t be a prat,” Remus said, venom in his voice.

“It just feels wrong, Remus. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love holding you. Cuddling with you. I love kissing and I love waking up to you every morning. I don’t want to lose that, but I’m not sure I can do this.”

“You pulled every night before I agreed to go out with you,” Remus pointed out. “Where’s the difference? You never brought anyone home, you never caught feelings. So why where’s the problem?”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Sirius said, his voice low, tone miserable. “You mean everything to me.”

“Which is why I refuse to lose you,” Remus said, and closed his hand round Sirius’. “Listen, we’ll set boundaries, alright? We do it together. We communicate, you promise you’ll always be safe, and always sober. No exchanging phone numbers, no last names, no plans to do it again. You get tested once a month, and I have veto power if I feel like you’re in a situation that isn’t safe.”

“And I never sleep with anyone you don’t know about,” Sirius said, adding in his own caveat because it would only work if it felt like he wasn’t cheating on the love of his life.

It was shaky at first. Remus did get jealous and it took a long time for Sirius to be comfortable enough to have a good shag and not feel like he was betraying Remus. But eventually it started to work out. Remus spent ages learning what Sirius liked, Sirius learnt to trust Remus’ judgment. They started finding their own favourite venues, and Sirius remembered how to be charming and seductive.

It might have been weird for other couples, but it wasn’t for them. Remus found watching Sirius pull was like watching living art. He was beautiful. Almost achingly so. His smile was brighter than the star he was named after, and his casual touches brought men to their knees. Often literally.

Sometimes Remus resented he could never be affected in that way, that Sirius’ charm would never draw fire to his loins and make him want to connect like that. But at the end of the night when Sirius was curled up in his arms, freshly showered, teeth scrubbed, pressing gentle kisses to the nape of his neck and reminding him of all their promises of forever, Remus knew this was the life he wanted. The life he craved, and he would fight for it. For as long as he lived.

The pair had been together now seven years. The moment it was legal in the UK, Sirius got down on one knee, making a big production of a proposal. Remus cried a little, of course. With Sirius on one knee and kissing his knuckles and almost begging Remus to say yes, well, he didn’t really have a chance.

The wedding itself was very small, just a few friends and family members, but it was no less spectacular in their eyes. It was the happiest Remus had ever been—he was fairly sure of that anyway. There was the idea—the future promise of maybe adopting a child and having some idea of proper family Remus always thought might have been just beyond his grasp.

They lived a quiet, happy life. Remus worked at the record shop with Sirius, writing books on the side and had a decent series going. It wasn’t paying much yet, but it was on its way to being something, and they were _happy_.

Neither of them suspected an average night at the bar was going to turn everything they had ever known completely upside down.

*** 

“There,” Sirius said as the British White Man moved away from the bar. Just beyond him was a tall man, broad shoulders, wearing a t-shirt that most could consider a hair too tight. He had very dark skin, and wild black hair. He had both hands wrapped round a pint, his face bowed slightly toward the bar, and he had a faint smile on his face like he was listening to something amusing.

Remus sized him up, then smiled at his husband. “Mm, yeah I can see it. Go on then, have your letch.”

Scoffing a little, Sirius stole a quick kiss from Remus before sliding away from the bar and crossing the room. He was preparing himself—squaring his shoulders, getting his winning smile ready, his voice dropping an octave or two. He would take a moment to assess whether or not the stranger might be interested in other blokes, and then he’d pounce.

It was business as usual, really.

Sliding into a seat, Sirius leant his elbow on the bar, resting closed knuckles against his temple, and he smiled. The man’s face turned a little, though he didn’t make eye contact, but his smile widened.

“Hi there. Your pint is almost over. Can I buy you another drink?”

His face dropped into a slight frown for only a moment, then he said, “You know what, why not.”

Sirius grinned. The why nots were always the best shags, really. Half of them either claimed to be straight with latent homosexual fantasies, or they were bi men who preferred other men but rarely indulged. They were always dirty and quick, and very sexy.

The bartender came over, and Sirius ordered. “Another of what he’s having. And I’ll take a fizzy water with lime.”

“Trying to get me drunk, are you?” the man asked.

Sirius chuckled low, leaning over and carefully brushing his fingers along the exposed skin right above the man’s elbow. “I’ve had my allotment for the evening, unfortunately. But it seemed rude not to have anything.”

There was a pause, then he grinned wider. “I’m Jaidev, but you can call me James.”

“Which do you prefer?” Sirius asked.

“Either. I grew up in London with the Brits attempting to butcher my name so I’m not fussed anymore.”

Sirius let his smile widen as the drinks were delivered and James’ empty pint was replaced with a new one. “Well you can call me Si.”

James’ brow dipped. “Is that some sort of rude pun or…”

“What?” Sirius frowned in confusion. “No I…it’s a nickname. S-I.”

James’ shoulders relaxed a little. “Ah. Sorry I just…” He waved his hand and then shrugged. “Anyway, alright well, Si. Do you come here often?”

Barking a laugh, Sirius took a swallow of his fizzy water. “Oh come off it, Jamie. You can do better than that, can’t you? I’m gorgeous and very obviously interested.”

James seemed startled for just a moment, then he chuckled and leant over toward Sirius. “Are you, now?”

“What? Gorgeous or interested? Because the answer to both is yes. Obviously.”

“Obviously,” James murmured. He looked hesitant for only a moment, then picked up his pint and drank two-thirds of it in one go. Setting it down, he swiped his mouth and shifted over so close, his elbow touched Sirius’. “So you’ve come over here to pull then, I’m assuming?”

“Again. Obvious,” Sirius replied. “You’re the fittest fucking man I’ve seen in a damn long time, Jamie. And I thought why let this opportunity go to waste?” He hesitated getting a really good look at the man and something in his belly fluttered. He really was good looking, in such an unassuming way. Casual dress, his hair was a bit of a disaster but it was endearing. Reminded him of Remus so much it actually startled him, and he felt his belly grow warm with desire. More than he’d felt in ages. In years, in fact.

It was not good, he realised in that moment. He should abort right then because he had made a solemn vow to never, ever catch feelings.

But then James was reaching out and touching his arm with the tips of his fingers, and his voice was very low. “You know anywhere we can go, then, Si?”

Licking his lips, Sirius cleared his throat. “I might. You ever been with a bloke?”

At that, James threw his head back and barked a laugh. “You’re asking me that now, are you?”

“Seems like I ought to. Want to be sure you know what you’re getting yourself into.”

“I have. And believe me after my day, I’d like to go home knowing I just shagged the arse off someone as fit as you claim to be.”

“You act like it’s not glaringly obvious,” Sirius said, now grabbing James by the front of his shirt and bringing their faces in very close together. Normally he doesn’t do this. Not this close, not whilst Remus is watching. Unable to bring himself to look over, for fear that Remus might know something is different, he slipped from the stool and took James’ hands in his. “We’re wasting time.”

Giving a slight laugh, James put an arm round Sirius’ waist and the pair hurried off down the corridor. Sirius knows this pub like no other, bypassing the loo where most of the people try to get off quickly, and went for a back storage room no one used.

He kicked open the door, shoving James bodily inside, and slammed the door hard. The lock snicked into place easily and before long Sirius had a mouth on his, hard and demanding. Shoving James against the wall, Sirius tipped his head back just a little, on his toes because James was almost as tall as Remus, but he was used to that by now.

A warm hand ghosted down his front, pausing as the fingers started to bunch up material. “Are you…wearing a skirt?”

Sirius laughed into James’ mouth, reaching round to grip the back of the messy locks. “I am. You didn’t notice before?”

“No I—” The rest of his words are cut off by Sirius’ persistent tongue. He explored James’ mouth with a fury he hadn't used on anyone. A fury he had wanted to devour Remus’ body, but always was denied. It was pent up, coming out hard and fast and Sirius was panting as James’ fingers went up the skirt, palming his cock hard. “Fuck.”

Sirius mumbled his assent against James’ mouth, pushing his hips toward that hand, and he gasped as James’ fingers immediately drew him out of the tight pants he had on.

“Want to fuck you,” James murmured.

“God. Fuck.” Sirius normally topped, but there was something so raw and needy about the way he was feeling. He wanted James to take him apart piece by piece, the way he’d never get to experience with Remus. He wanted to be put together again gently, lovingly.

Before he realised it, James had him against the wall, his legs spread, James’ thigh between them. James had his skirt hiked up, and his own trousers down round his knees. One finger was ghosting down the cleft of his arse, and Sirius found himself gasping, pushing his cheek hard against the wall to keep himself grounded.

“Fuck. I’ve got…there’s a pocket in my skirt. Lube. Condom. Fucking want you.”

James growled in his ear as his hands sought out the offered items, and before long he had two fingers pumping in and out of Sirius, hard, finding his prostate almost immediately and not being kind with it at all. Sirius, who had always been able to control his volume, let out a keening moan and bit down on his knuckles to keep himself from crying out.

“Want it. Want you,” he begged.

“Yes. Fuck, so good,” James mumbled as he tore the wrapper and put the condom on. He slid inside Sirius, like he always belonged there, holding him by the hips, pumping hard and furious. Sirius was all-but sobbing as he snapped his hips back to meet every thrust. His cock was bobbing against his stomach and in the back of his mind he thought he wouldn’t even need to touch himself to get off.

“Ah…so…so close,” he gasped.

James’ hips kept up their furious rhythm, but in the moment one arm snaked round Sirius’ torso and pulled him back, tight and almost tender. Warm, soft lips began to dance across the back of Sirius’ neck, pressing against the back of his ear where he had a small moon tattoo for the love of his life.

Sirius crashed down to himself again at the thought of Remus. This. This was what he’d always been afraid of. The betrayal. Because he could fall hard and fast for these arms and the tender mouth now whispering sweet things into his ear.

“You were right, you are gorgeous. You’re amazing. God I have never felt anything so good in my life, Si.”

Sirius hadn’t ever shied away from giving his name to his one-offs, but fuck if any of them had ever used his name whilst they were mid-shag. And oh god it was everything he had been missing.

“J-james,” he stuttered.

The arm across his torso dipped low, James’ strong, get achingly gentle fingers curling round him and began to pump in time with the thrusts. “Come for me, beautiful. Come on. Let me feel you.”

Sirius threw his head back against James’ turning his face into the man’s neck as he let out a cry and exploded all over the wall. James put a hand in Sirius’ hair, petting it gently as his hips snapped, losing all rhythm as he shuddered and let himself crash over the edge of orgasm.

He came down, whispering into Sirius’ ear, his lips alternating between words and kisses. “God. So good. So fucking gorgeous.”

Sirius was shaking all over, his entire body in both pleasure and shock. He felt sick to his stomach as James eased himself out, and very near tears as he heard the zip on James’ trousers done up, and a gentle hand pressed to the small of his back.

“Are you alright?”

Sirius turned his head, squinting in the dark room. “I er…yeah. No, sorry I’m fine. It was just a bit intense.”

James let out a small chuckle as he curled on arm round Sirius’ elbow and pulled him in. They were so close now, mouths almost touching. Sirius rarely let them kiss him, and never ever did he kiss after but right now it’s all he wanted.

In for a penny, he decided. Their lips met in a sweet, gentle kiss not unlike the ones he and Remus shared every night before bed. Warm hands drifted up into his hair again, and the lips moved from his mouth to feather across his jaw.

He felt one hand slip into the pocket of his skirt, and Sirius assumed the lube was being returned to its rightful place.

“I have to go,” Sirius whispered, not wanting to and hating himself for it.

James chuckled low in his ear. “I thought as much. Will you walk me back to the bar?”

“Course.” Sirius knew he should have said no, but he did it anyway. James held his hand and they went back to where the discarded pint was. Sirius motioned for the bartender to close out his tab, and he felt a press of hand on his thigh. His eyes flickered back to the table where Remus was scrolling on his phone, not watching, and Sirius wanted to cry. “I really have to…”

“I know,” James said. He didn’t look over at Sirius, but it was probably for the best.

*** 

Remus knew something was different the moment Sirius spotted the person at the bar. He went flush, his eyes widened, his breathing shifting. Sirius’ mannerisms with him were different as well. He was _invested_ from the moment the man reached over.

Sirius was putting out his best moves, his most charming smile, and none of that was necessary, Remus noticed, because the man had a white cane sticking out of the pocket of his jacket which hung on the back of the chair. Sirius hadn’t noticed, of course. He was too caught up in trying to be impressive. And Remus had always known Sirius didn’t pull on his looks alone. Sirius was the epitome of his star. Bright, hot, all-encompassing. Sirius created love stories which started and stopped in a handful of minutes.

Remus didn’t want to know the state of the men Sirius left behind because he knew that on some level they were probably devastated.

This was different.

Sirius wasn’t in there long, but he had a desperate look about him, and he walked the man back to the bar before returning to Remus. Remus did his best to appear disinterested, but he noticed that Sirius didn’t take his hand as they left. There was no kiss pressed to the corner of his mouth before getting into the car.

They entered their flat as they always did, and Remus shucked his coat, hanging it on the hook and turned to his spouse. “I’m going to run your bath. You look like you need a good soak.”

Sirius was a million miles away, his eyes dazed, and he gave Remus an absent nod. “I… no. Yeah. Okay, great. Thanks.”

Remus felt it like a physical pang in his gut, like Sirius had unsheathed a blade and gutted him. But he took it all in stride as he went to fill the bath, adding a bubble bar with Sirius’ favourite scent. He would wash way the smell of the strange man and maybe—just maybe, they would move on. Sirius would follow all the rules and maybe they wouldn’t frequent that pub for a little while.

No harm done.

Sirius passed Remus in the hall with his dressing gown clutched tight round his middle. They didn’t say anything, and when the door shut, Remus retrieved Sirius’ skirt and blouse for laundering. When he moved the skirt, something toppled from the pockets. A small tube of lubricant, and a name card.

Remus picked up both, putting the lube back in the bedroom with Sirius’ supplies, and taking the card into the lounge where he could read it properly under decent light. He was almost afraid to, but he flicked on the kettle, sat at the kitchen table, and stared down at it.

James F Potter. 

He was a lawyer, high end from the state of his office address, and from the law offices he worked for. Remus had heard of them on ads. 

So.

He wouldn’t know unless he asked Sirius if keeping the card had been deliberate. It wasn’t the first time Sirius had got a number after a shag, but they usually made the bin before the couple got home. 

It stung more, but what was Remus to do, really? The truth was, he knew it would only last so long. That his good fortune and Sirius’ loyalty would eventually waver if someone who could give Sirius everything Remus had—and that little bit more—showed up in his life.

And far be it from Remus to assume it was nothing from such a short meeting. Sirius had fallen in love with Remus in minutes. There was every chance it would happen again. Remus had been preparing himself from the moment he agreed to give this relationship a go, and he knew it would tear him to pieces, but he wanted to see Sirius happy and he wasn’t sure he could ever give him true happiness.

Sirius got out of the bath just as Remus had tea prepared—leftover soup and some fresh bread he’d picked up after closing up the record shop. Sirius looked more relaxed, a smile and a soft kiss pressed to the top of Remus’ curls.

“Thanks, love.”

Remus smiled, feeling warmth blooming in the centre of his chest and wondered if maybe, just maybe, he’d dodged a bullet.

*** 

The next morning Remus passed by the kitchen table and the name card was gone. He wanted to believe it had made it into the bin, but he wasn’t hopeful.

*** 

A week later answered that question.

Sirius had gone four nights at the pub in a row without pulling. Without even trying, really. He’d spotted a few people, he’d attempted, and had returned to Remus at the table wearing a look of defeat. But it was superficial. He was going after people who clearly would not be interested in him, and Remus knew why.

By the fourth night, Sirius was frustrated both sexually and mentally, and Remus could tell. He was wound up and it was starting to become a repeat of years before when Sirius attempted to just get over his desire to have sex. Remus knew he couldn’t handle it, couldn’t handle his Sirius turning into something he wasn’t.

In bed, Remus leant over his lover and pressed a kiss to the back of his neck. Sirius gave a happy hum, shifting back a little, and Remus did it again—only this time he opened his mouth against the skin. Sirius froze a little, and Remus repeated the gesture, this time letting his hand ghost down along Sirius’ ribs. When Sirius didn’t protest, Remus brought his hand round Sirius’ front, going down low on his stomach.

Remus’ insides began quaking, fingers threatening to tremble, his pulse racing. He felt hot and sick, but he had to do _something_. When Sirius’ hips jutted forward, Remus lowered his hand forward, but just before it could make contact with Sirius’ obviously hard cock, he was shoved back with a firm elbow.

“What the bloody hell are you doing?” Sirius all-but shouted.

“Getting you off,” Remus replied, rearing back at Sirius’ furious tone. “You haven’t got off with another person in nearly a week, and you’re wound up. I’m your husband and I…”

“You’re shaking,” Sirius said, his tone flat as he looked at Remus’ hands. “Your face is splotchy. You’re seconds away from an anxiety attack.”

Remus wanted to deny it, but he knew Sirius was right. Shifting against his pillows, he dropped his face into his hands. “I had to do something.”

“Why?” Sirius demanded. “Remus, I’m a grown adult, if I don’t pull every night…”

“But you want to,” Remus snapped, looking up again. “Only…” He swallowed thickly, then looked away when he posed his next question. “Where’s the card, Sirius?”

After a beat, “What card?”

“James Potter’s card.”

He didn’t have to look at his spouse to know the guilt flashing across his features. “Remus I…”

“Is it love? Curiosity? I mean was he the best shag you’ve ever had? You have to help me understand because fifteen minutes and I’ve nearly lost you.”

“You haven’t,” Sirius started, his tone broken and tense. “Remus, you could never lose me.”

“I nearly did,” Remus pointed out. “Our relationship has never been easy and if you end up denying yourself something you really want because of me, you’re going to resent me. We both know where that’s going to lead.”

“And if you compromise who you are by doing something you can’t handle,” Sirius pointed out, his tone just as firm, “you’ll end up resenting me. So…”

“Impasse,” Remus breathed. He brushed his hand across his forehead. “If it was a crush—and you’ve had them before—you’d be over it by your next shag.”

Sirius shuffled down in the bed. “I don’t know what to do. He…he was different. He was like you.”

Remus felt the knife twist harder. “I know, Sirius. I saw the whole thing. I…just…maybe you should ring him up. Maybe we need to…to rethink everything.”

Sirius looked at him, the heartbreak obvious behind his eyes. “I don’t want to. I can’t…Remus…” He reached out for his husband, hand searching desperately for familiar fingers. “You are my everything.”

Remus allowed himself to be pulled back into the blankets, to be wrapped in Sirius’ warm arms. The night settled back down on him, and the unspoken answer to Sirius lingered above them. ‘I used to be your everything, Sirius. Used to be.’

*** 

Sirius pulled twice that weekend, in a desperate attempt to make things normal again. Remus could tell things weren’t, but they were trying, and it was something. So far as he could tell, no illicit calls to one James F Potter had been made. Sirius stopped moping and being strange.

But it didn’t mean Remus couldn’t tell things were still off.

Sirius was helping out his cousin Andromeda at the start of the week, making a trip to Glasgow with her and her daughter Tonks to check out a school there as her husband was on a trip overseas. Remus had no issues with it, offering to mind the shop and keep the hours shorter than usual, but it would give him time to write in peace.

He stood outside with Sirius just before his spouse was getting ready to leave, his hand ghosting up and down the skirt which flowed nicely over Sirius’ hip, and he pulled him in for a soft kiss. “Be safe, yeah?”

Cupping Remus’ cheek, Sirius grinned. “You know me, Moons.”

“I do. Which is why it’s necessary I say it,” Remus replied with a soft grin. “Give us another kiss. Actually three, since I’ll need a few to carry me until you get back.”

Sirius laughed, then grabbed Remus by his cheeks and pressed three very firm, needy kisses to his lips. “Bloody hell, have you any idea how much I love you? It’s…you’re just…”

Remus smiled softly, ignoring a redhead walking by who gave the pair a very curious look. He instead put his hands round the back of Sirius’ neck and pressed his own series of kisses along his jaw. “I have some idea, you know. Because I just might feel the very same way about you.”

“I’ll miss you. Desperately.”

Remus chuckled. “Bring me back something very Scottish. Just not haggis.”

Sirius rolled his eyes, then whispered, “Ana bahebak.”

Remus shoved him toward the car, then walked back into the shop and went about his day.

*** 

Tuesday the universe decided for Remus and Sirius. Remus reckoned years later maybe it had just had enough watching the pair of them kill themselves trying to make each other happy when the solution was so simple, but how could Remus know that.

No, on that Tuesday he was at the shop, attempting to write, but instead staring down at a document whose word count refused to go up because he was fairly sure his marriage was falling apart. With Sirius gone, it gave him all the time in the world to go over every detail of their last two weeks with a fine-toothed comb and realise that Sirius was not alright.

Because he was in love with James Potter. The phantom shag in the pub had infected them and there was no turning back now.

He was actually getting a bit of writing done when the small bell at the top of the door signalled someone’s entrance. Remus glanced up, and his heart leapt into his throat because stood there looking vaguely out of place was James Potter. He was wearing a suit, obviously having come off work, and he was giving Remus a rather sheepish look through the thickest pair of glasses Remus had ever seen. He was clutching a bright yellow plastic sack Remus knew came from the bookstore right up the street, and he cleared his throat.

“Er. Hi. This is going to sound weird but…I’m looking for some albums for my son and I literally have no idea where to start.”

Remus swallowed, and realised that James had no idea who he was. And a son? It was difficult to function thinking about James Potter as a human being with a job and a family instead of the ghost who was slowly destroying his marriage. And the only thing that could fix it.

Remus realised he hadn’t spoken in a while, and blushed. “Sorry I…yes. Of course. What sort of music does your son like?”

“That’s the thing, he’s got himself all obsessed with this idea of retro vintage something or other…begged for a record player that plays vinyl and then just said, get me some of the greats. I have _no idea_ what he means by that.” James put his free hand in his hair and ruffled it, looking adorably clueless.

Remus couldn’t help a small laugh, and felt mildly betrayed because in just a handful of sentences he already _liked_ this man. “I wish my spouse was here because he’s really good at sorting this stuff out. But he’s off in Scotland with his cousin. Er…” Remus came round the counter and beckoned James a little further into the shop. He wasn’t carrying his cane, so he had to wonder how far off his assessment of blind had been. “You’re welcome to peruse though. If he’s talking seventies rock—which I’m going to say the greats otherwise somehow my spouse will know and manage to teleport here just to murder me for blasphemy—we’ve got a really decent selection.” Remus pointed toward the rows and rows of old vinyl he and Sirius had meticulously arranged.

“Ah yes er…” James ruffled his hair again, and looked down at his shoes. “Thing of it is, your shop’s a bit dim and well…I don’t see well in places that’s not incredibly bright light. Even then it’s touchy. Would you mind terribly erm…” James nodded his head toward the records.

Remus flushed hot and cleared his throat. “Of course. Just…can you follow me or…?”

“I’m good,” James said with a wide grin, and went after Remus down the aisle to some of Sirius’ favourite music.

“Well, I recommend at least the Stones,” Remus said, pulling one of the vinyl out and handing it to James. He took it in his hands but didn’t make any attempt to look at it. “And maybe some Bowie…” Remus moved over to where they had those, and picked out two. “Erm…I’d go with maybe Iggy Pop? Just to try him out on some light punk.” James chuckled as Remus picked out a few more albums, then they made their way back to the front.

“I really owe you. I actually came in here for two favours, but this is fantastic. He’s going to be so happy.” James was pulling a credit card out, and Remus noticed there was a small braille tag at the top.

Swiping it, Remus processed the sale, trying not to stare too hard. “So. Birthday, huh?”

“Thirteenth,” James said with a small laugh. “I hear it only gets worse from this moment on, but his mum assures me we’ve got a good one so…” He shrugged. “Anyway for the moment I only have him on weekends so she gets the brunt of the post-school strops and I get all the fun stuff.”

Remus chuckled as he put the records into a massive paper sack with thick handles. “So records and vinyl. And books?”

“Ah. Yeah. He sent me for these specifically. Some series he’s become obsessed with.” James reached into the bag and Remus almost choked on his own tongue seeing his very own book cover in James’ hands. “Some book about a star who makes a deal to become human and has to earn a human soul by saving people. I don’t have the full scope and the print is nearly impossible for me to read so I just let Hari ramble on about it.”

Remus licked his lips, debating whether or not he ought to say something about it. “Well, good to know he likes it.”

“Like is putting it mildly. He heard about a signing and all but threatened to dismember me if I don’t take him next month.”

Fuck, Remus thought. Good chance James might recognise him then. “Or,” Remus said very slowly, deciding what the hell. After all, this man had buggered Sirius and as much as Remus did like him, things were so complicated, “you could bring him to the shop sometime and I’d be happy to sign the books.”

James froze, squinting at Remus from behind the massive glasses. “You’re shitting me.” He stopped and cleared his throat. “Sorry for cursing but…but…you’re _shitting me_.”

“Fraid not,” Remus said, giving him a sheepish smile. “I am R.J. Lupin. Those are my books.”

“This is…unreal,” James breathed. “When Lily sent me here…” He stopped and then said, “My ex wife. Hari’s mum. She sent me here and I had…oh. This is a bit fucked, innit?”

Remus blinked. “Is it?”

James leant his elbow on the counter. “See that other favour I was going to ask you was to have a coffee with me. Or tea. Whatever. As my way of saying sorry I buggered your husband.”

Remus was so shocked he almost lost his balance. Blood rushed to his head and his face was on fire and he had to grip the counter to keep himself grounded. He had no idea what to say, so his mouth decided for him. “I don’t have a _husband_. Sirius is genderfluid and prefers the term spouse.”

James blinked, then a tiny flicker of a smile ghosted over his mouth. “But you know. What we did, that is?”

Remus licked his lips. “I do.”

“And you recognised me, then?”

“I did.” He felt like a complete twat for not saying anything straight away.

James paused for a few beats. “So about that coffee?”

“Er. I can’t leave the shop. And I’m not entirely sure what you’d like me to say,” Remus confessed. The truth was, he wanted to tell James everything, to let it all come spilling out and see if there was any way James felt the same.

“When do you close up?”

“Two hours,” Remus said, glancing at the streets of passers-by with no intention of slipping into an old, vintage record shop.

“I’ll come back. I wanted to drop these to Lily anyway but we ought to have a chat.”

Licking his lips, Remus’ hand darted out when James started to pull away, and he caught the other man’s wrist. “I…it wasn’t…” He took a breath when James turned back, reaching for the counter. “Sirius and I have an open relationship. He didn’t cheat on me, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

James blinked rapidly behind his glasses. “Ah. So I…right. Okay.”

Remus swallowed thickly, then taking the initiative, walked round James to the front door, snicked the lock into place, and put the Closed sign up. He pulled the blinds down, then walked back to James who had taken off his glasses.

“Shit. Is it too dark in here now?”

James let out a small laugh, shrugging. “It wasn’t great before, honestly. I have RP, so it has to be really bright for me to see anything. Top that with myopia and tunnel vision—and I’m well fucked in any given space. But you want to talk, or are you going to murder me or…?”

Remus sighed. “I have tea and coffee upstairs. We can talk. The space gets decent light.”

“Can I take your arm?”

Remus wanted to say no because when he touched James, or when James touched him, all he could think about was those hands on Sirius, those hands destroying what fragile stability they had together in their marriage.

But he liked James and he bloody loved Sirius and he wanted to make this right somehow because dragging it out was only making everyone suffer. Coming round the counter, he touched James’ arm, then tried not to wince when those strong fingers closed just above his elbow.

Leading the way, he opened the small door. “There’s erm. Twelve stairs, I think,” Remus said.

“Thanks,” James murmured.

They ascended the steps to what had been a small loft Sirius’ uncle had occupied during his later years. They’d nearly gutted it, leaving a half-functioning kitchen and squashy sofa just below a wide window. The place was bright enough, and Remus got James to the sofa before heading for the kettle.

“Tea or coffee?”

“Instant coffee?” James asked.

“Fraid so. Sirius is the only one who takes it, and only on Sundays.”

“Tea then.”

Remus fetched two mugs and busied himself with the task. It allowed him a chance to gather his thoughts, to think about what he was really doing here. Was he going to offer Sirius to James like some sort of prize? Offer to step back if James truly wanted him?

Remus found it hard to believe James wouldn’t. How could anyone not when it came to Sirius. He was just absolutely everything.

He piled a small tray with milk, honey, the two mugs, and a packet of unopened biscuits he had no intention of touching because his stomach was in absolute knots. Making his way to the sofa, he set everything down, then touched the back of James’ knuckles with the handle of one mug.

“You take anything with it?”

James chuckled low in his throat. “Not today, I think. This conversation seems like the black tea sort.”

Remus hummed his agreement, sipping in the brew as bitter as the bile lodged in his throat. “I should let you know that Sirius and I have a…well…a policy. Rules, if you will. No last names, no numbers, no repeats. He followed all the rules except one.”

“He kept my card.”

Remus gulped down a swallow of tea. “Yes. He did. I found it in his skirt and left it on the table. It was gone the next morning and later he admitted to keeping it. He admitted to falling for you.”

James sucked in his breath. “If I’d known he was married, open or not, I wouldn’t have. I was…I should have asked. It had been a really bad night for me. We lost a case I’d been working on for months, Lily and I were rowing over Hari’s…” James cleared his throat. “Anyway, and he was there and I…wanted him.” He said the last bit with guilt dripping from his tone.

Remus sighed. “I’m not angry. You didn’t do anything wrong. Sirius didn’t either, really. He kept the number but he never rang you.” The statement was more of a challenge, to see if Sirius had really been honest.

“I was disappointed when I never heard from him again. I thought it had been…I thought there was something.”

“There was,” Remus assured him, wondering partly why he was trying to make this man feel _better_ about the whole thing. “There was absolutely something. He didn’t sleep with anyone else for a week after.”

James blinked, his eyes unfocused, then he reached out for the table, feeling the edge with his fingers, and set his mug down. “He sleeps with someone every night?”

“He has a very active libido.” Remus let out a small laugh. “I don’t know how we made it work all these years, James. I…it’s a mystery, really. I knew one of these days someone would come along and offer him more than sex and things would change. But preparing for it and it actually happening are two different things.”

James looked somewhat surprised, his bright teeth worrying down on his bottom lip. “You’re not suggesting…”

“I might be,” Remus said.

There was a long, tense silence between them. 

“Do you want him? If I wasn’t in the picture, if it was uncomplicated, would you want him?”

James didn’t need to ponder at all. “Yes. And even with you in the picture, I want him. I’m sorry. That makes me a right bastard but you’ve been bloody honest with me so far and it’s only fair.”

“I appreciate it,” Remus said. He hated that he actually liked this man so much. In another life he could see something there, he truly could. “That’s really what I wanted to know. Especially before I talk to him.”

James suddenly looked panicked. “No. You can’t…Remus listen, I was only here to apologise. I don’t want to get involved.”

“You’re already involved,” Remus said, feeling his voice go a little tight. “Sirius has fallen for you, and there’s nothing I can do about that. Without the chance to explore it, our relationship is going to end. He’ll leave me.”

James swallowed thickly. “And you’re willing to just step aside?”

“No,” Remus said. “I’m not willing to give up the absolute and complete love of my life. But I’m willing to…make adjustments in what we are.”

James licked his lips. “Letting me and him…sleep together?”

Remus barked a laugh. “You’re beyond that now. I’m sorry. At least for him, it’s beyond that. You obviously have a choice in the matter, but if you don’t want to explore this, it needs to come from you. So he knows. So he can move on.”

James gripped his hands together in a white-knuckled grip. “Is he really worth loving that much? So much you’d do this to yourself?”

“Do what?” Remus asked quietly.

“Tear yourself to pieces.”

“I’m not…”

“You’re crying,” James interrupted. 

And although the other man couldn’t properly see him, he was right. There were tears pouring down his cheeks and Remus hadn’t even noticed.

“Shit,” he breathed. “Fucking…fucking shit.”

Suddenly, in the blink of an eye, James was kneeling between Remus’ legs and swiping the tears away with his thumbs. Their faces were close together and James looked absolutely crushed. “Don’t do this to yourself,” he breathed. “Remus, you…fuck. You can’t do this to yourself.”

He hated how much comfort that small gesture brought him, and he curled his hands round James’ wrists with the intention of pulling them away, but instead he leant into the touch and let his eyes close. “It hurts. I love him so much, and the truth is—I love him enough to let him go if I know he’ll be happier. And I need to know. And so does he. And frankly, so do you.”

James brought their heads together, pressing forehead to forehead. “I don’t know if I can.”

“Well you need to figure it out,” Remus said, not unkindly. “For your sake and his. The not knowing has infected us more than him falling for you. I can…I can make do if it’s more than just sex. I can. I like you well enough.”

James laughed. “I’ve spoken more to you than I have to him, so I think I’m safe to say I like you too, Remus. Quite a lot.”

Remus let his eyes open, pulling away slowly, though James’ hands didn’t leave his face. “When he gets back, I’m going to tell him you were here. He’ll be furious with me, of course. But he will ring you and you two will have to…sort it out.”

James finally let go, but instead of pulling away, he put his hands on Remus’ thighs. “What about us?”

Remus’ eyes went wide. “I thought I made it very clear. I’m sex-repulsed and…”

“I heard that bit. But do I get anything with you? At all? Are you part of this? Because if Sirius and I…if anything…” James stopped and took a breath. “It should be you as well.”

“That’s…not for me to decide alone. Or right now.” But really he was speaking only because he was absolutely stunned. He hadn’t considered himself in this at all. He just wanted to stop hurting and he wanted to know that Sirius could have what he wanted and not leave him.

“Fair enough. For what it’s worth Remus,” and he paused, squeezing Remus’ thighs before drawing away slowly, “I’m sorry. I wish…I wish I’d been yet another quick cupboard shag you never had to see again.”

Remus lowered his eyes and breathed. “I’m not sure I’m sorry yet. Because this feels like it’s been a long time coming.”

*** 

The row was a fantastic one when Sirius got home. Remus didn’t even wait for him to get his boots off before he relayed the entire story from start to finish. Sirius bellowed about feeling betrayed, that Remus had gone behind his back to arrange something he didn’t even want, but Remus could see desire pooling behind his eyes in spite of the words.

“The one thing I have never done, as much as I could help it,” Remus said very slowly from his place at the kitchen table, “is lie to you. So you could at least show me the same courtesy.”

Sirius was silent after that, staring at Remus long and hard. Eventually he slumped into a chair and covered his face with his hands. “I don’t want to ring him.”

“Why?” Remus pressed.

Sirius shuddered, his shoulders going up and down, and Remus realised then his spouse was crying. “Because I’m scared.”

“If you don’t, you’ll always wonder. And eventually you’re going to leave me because of it. So at least try, Sirius.”

“What if I want him?” Sirius looked up, his red-rimmed eyes all-but begging Remus to give him an out, to take charge and refuse to let this happen. But Remus couldn’t do that. 

“You already know you do. And he wants you. So…” Remus sighed, his tone resigned and tired. “If you can be content with just him, tell me. If you want him and me, tell me. If you were wrong this entire time and we can go back to us, tell me. But we can’t let this hang open-ended, Sirius.”

“Him and you,” Sirius repeated. “Moony, you made the rules. You said…”

“I know what I said,” Remus interjected. “I recall very well the rules I set in place to protect us. But obviously things need to change as we change.”

Sirius swallowed thickly, reaching for Remus for a second before drawing his hands back. “I can’t lose you. I won’t.”

Remus bowed his head and let out a long breath. “I’m going to fight for you, Sirius. With everything I have. Everything. But I’m also not going to watch us pick ourselves apart until there’s nothing left.”

Sirius bowed his head again and nodded. “Alright.”

*** 

Remus told Sirius everything after that. Everything he’d learnt about James, everything Sirius had missed the first time. He told Sirius about his ex wife and his son, about the books and the records and how James had comforted him when he was crying.

“Should’ve been me,” Sirius said against the back of Remus’ neck. He was holding him tight, mouth pressed to the nape of Remus’ neck. “Those are my tears to wipe away.”

Turning in the bed, Remus pressed a kiss to the side of Sirius’ jaw. “Yes, they are. But maybe we can build something new. I like him, you know. I think this would be so much worse if I didn’t, but I do.”

Sirius closed his eyes and pressed their foreheads together much like James had done with Remus back in the shop. “You will always be my everything,” he whispered.

Remus didn’t answer, merely grabbing Sirius’ hand and clasping it right over his heart. To the gentle, pulsing rhythm, they both fell to sleep.

*** 

Sirius was a nervous wreck as he stood in front of the café. He could see James in the window, and it was weird now knowing James couldn’t see him. It made sense, the way he’d been back at the pub, and Sirius felt a bit foolish for having gone to so much trouble to look nice, but it was how he coped.

He was stood there in ripped jeans, a tunic blouse, his leather jacket, and his make-up done just so. To calm him down, Remus had done his nails in a bright red, and then kissed him on the tip of his nose and told him it was going to be just fine.

He wanted to throw himself from a bridge, knowing that his own husband was calming him down because he’d gone and broken the first rule—no catching feelings for someone else. Damn James Potter. 

Sirius really wanted to go in there and shout at him and demand to know who the hell he thought he was that he could stroll into his life and set his marriage on fire.

But it wasn’t James’ fault.

Sirius knew that.

He had been foolish to think the open marriage would work forever. That he wouldn’t get tired of having to pull at pubs every night just to get off. He craved something deeper and he didn’t know how he could have that and keep Remus because he would carve out his own kidneys before letting Remus walk away.

But there was hope.

Remus had said he could be part of it. That James wanted him to be part of it.

Sirius just needed to be sure this was what he wanted.

He took a breath and forced himself to act like a fucking adult as he went for the door. It chimes, and he saw the way James stiffened. He was wearing the glasses Remus had described, and Sirius wondered how much of himself James would be able to see. He was sat at a table with the most amount of light, almost blinding.

Clearing his throat, James looked up at him as Sirius lowered himself into a seat. “I’m late,” was the first thing that tumbled from his lips.

James looked momentarily surprised before throwing his head back and laughing a deep, belly laugh. “It’s alright, you know. Glad you could make it.”

Sirius felt a warmth blooming through his body in spite of everything else he was feeling. “I almost didn’t make it. Remus kind of forced me a bit.”

“He told me you’d be contrary,” James said, still smiling.

Sirius fought off the very real, very strong urge to reach across the table and pull James into a kiss. He wanted him already, god help him. “This whole thing is upsetting. And new. You have no idea how much I love him.”

James kept smiling. “Oh, I think I have some. The way he talks about you. I’ve never heard such affection in someone’s tone before, Sirius. He…you are everything to him.”

The warmth was gone, replaced by cold, unforgiving guilt because he’d gone and done this to his Moony. He had fucked up. “I shouldn’t be here.”

“I like him too,” James said quickly. “And you.”

Sirius, who had been about to stand up, didn’t. “I…know. I know you do. And I’d be the worst liar if I said I wasn’t entertaining fantasies about bending you over this table right here. But I can’t hurt him.”

“Isn’t that the point of all this?” James asked, leaning forward slightly. “To figure out a way no one gets hurt?”

Sirius swallowed. “I thought so. I thought it…” He cleared his throat loudly. “I’m not sure how.”

James clasped his hands to the right of his coffee and blinked at Sirius. “I assume,” he said very slowly, “that I fall for him as hard as I fall for you. And having met him, I don’t see it being a problem.”

Sirius felt his body jolt at that, with both desire and jealousy warring for dominance. James and Remus? In love? But he was flooded suddenly with the idea of a huge bed and the three of them in it, holding each other. Of him and James getting each other off in the shower or in the guest room, and of going to bed with their Moony every night.

Their Moony.

Fuck. Fuck he wanted it so bad he could taste it.

“Remus said you have a son. What would he think about all of this?”

James chuckled quietly. “I think Hari would understand better than most people. He’s…let’s just say his upbringing has been less traditional than boys his age.”

Sirius frowned. “How’s that?”

“Because he didn’t tell me he was a boy until he was six.”

Sirius froze, processing what James was saying. “So he’s…”

“Trans? Yeah.” James’ smile widened. “We got him puberty blockers when he turned nine, when he said he was absolutely sure he was not a girl. On his seventh birthday he picked out his own name. Hari—but his mates call him Harry.”

Sirius laughed quietly. “Yeah, I know how that goes. I was born in Ramallah, and it was by the grace of my English mother and her obsession with naming us after powerful objects in the sky that I didn’t have to suffer through the English attempts at pronouncing anything Arabic.”

James’ smile widened. “So I think Hari has a better understanding of what one might consider an alternative lifestyle. Not to mention he’s thirteen so he understands these concepts.”

“So it wouldn’t bother you?” Sirius challenged.

“No. Though it’s something you might want to ask yourself about,” James shot back. “I have a son, and he’d be around.”

Sirius licked his lips. “I…fuck. I feel like we’re getting ahead of ourselves, here. I’m not even sure I can do this.”

“But do you want to try?” James asked, his voice going softer than it had.

Sirius stared at the hands in front of them, and couldn’t seem to help his own creeping across the table. The pads of his fingers counted along James’ knuckles, and James went loose and compliant under him. Sirius turned his palm, tracing the lines there, and he wondered what it would be like to feel these hands every night. Any night he wanted.

“I want to try,” he eventually whispered.

James’ grin looked like it was made of literal sunshine, and he closed one hand round Sirius’. “I was hoping you might say that.”

*** 

Sirius grunted into the pillow, gasping as James’ hand moved over him. The talented fingers painted lines up and down his body, the hot mouth laving at his neck, up his jaw, into his mouth. Sirius’ eyes all-but rolled back in his head as he came. 

Hard.

He muffled the obscene sounds he made with the skin on James’ neck, not that it mattered when James was grunting and coming right along with him. When it was over, Sirius pulled back and let James cup his cheeks, feathering kisses across his cheekbones.

“God. How is it possible it’s still this good?”

Sirius laughed as he nuzzled into James’ neck and breathed in the scent of his lover. It had been six months since the talk at the café, and things were not, by any means, perfect. But they were good. They were in love. 

Not just James and Sirius, but James and Remus as well. Somehow they’d managed to squeeze all their parts together to fit like Sirius had never dreamt possible. James was an unending well of patience and tenderness with him and Remus. He’d been willing to take a hundred steps back every time one of them felt overwhelmed, and he was the first to step forward with warm embraces, soft kisses, and whispers of reassurance.

It was Remus who first admitted it. “I have no idea how we ever functioned without him.”

Sirius hummed against his husband’s neck, breathing in the scent of him and feeling secure for the first time in a long time that his Moony wasn’t going anywhere.

James was living with them now, The flat was a short enough walk to his office that it was no trouble getting his things in. It was an adjustment for the other two, living with someone who had low vision. Everything got labelled in braille, and Sirius had to learn better habits about where he kept his things.

But they had a spare room for Harry now, and a large bed for the three of them. Their clothes were all jammed together in one wardrobe, and James was quick to catch whenever Sirius wanted a pronoun change, never ever questioning Sirius’ choices in them.

He was happy. Sirius O Black was a happy person, and though he’d been content before, pure happiness was always a concept that seemed beyond him. 

The best part about it though, and the part that made it possible was that his Moony was happy, too. He’d come into the lounge from having a lie-in and find Remus with his head in James’ lap, James reading to him from a book. Or he’d find Remus at his laptop, going over book ideas with James and Harry—Harry who had become another fixture in their lives Sirius hadn’t realised would fit so well.

They were like a little family, and it was almost overwhelming.

Turning his head, Sirius captured James in a slow, languid kiss, their tongues sliding together for a few moments. “Moons and Hari are going to be back soon,” James murmured against Sirius’ lips. “We ought to get dressed.”

“Mm, that sounds so unfun,” Sirius whinged, but allowed James to slip out of his grasp as he searched for their discarded clothes. 

Sirius slipped his jumper over his head, then wriggled into his leggings. He fumbled for a bobble, twisting his hair into a messy bun as James eased his t-shirt on over a pair of jogging bottoms. 

Sirius stood up from the bed and found himself pulled into a warm embrace, a soft kiss pressed just under his ear. “Main tumse mohabbat kartha hoon,” James whispered.

“Jaidev,” he said, using James’ proper name, “enta Habib Alby w hayaty ya Habibi.”

James grinned, kissing him until they heard the front door open and Harry’s excited voice rising. They pulled apart, James taking Sirius’ hand as they ventured into the lounge where Harry was unloading his clothing purchases onto the sofa. He grinned at the sight of his dad and Sirius.

“Oh my God, Sirius, just wait til you see what I got. Come here immediately.” 

Sirius snorted, letting James go head off to the kitchen where Remus was presumably sorting out their tea, and Sirius flopped into the armchair, spreading his hands. “Let’s have it, kid.”

Harry, who was sporting a massive grin, grabbed the first bundle and tipped the contents onto a cushion. “Okay so Moony managed to find this totally vintage store, right? Like with actual paisley prints.”

Sirius pulled a face. “You didn’t get paisley did you? Because you know I’d disown you.”

“The bloody hell do I look like?” Harry demanded, giving Sirius a look so reminiscent of James it startled him. “But no check it out…” He rummaged round and then pulled out pair of dark brown, leather trousers with what looked like braces attached to them. “Bloody Bowie trousers! How fantastic am I going to look in this?”

Sirius laughed. “That’s fantastic, kid.”

“They had all these blouses, too. And you know I was kind of feeling hesitant and everything. Like…maybe I shouldn’t. But Moony said fuck anyone who misgenders me because of a blouse.”

Sirius felt warmth blooming in his chest as Harry pulled out a tunic-like blouse that looked almost identical to half of what Sirius owned. The teen pressed it to his chest and turned toward Sirius. 

“Right? This is gonna look so good.”

“I’ve got one to match. We can go out tomorrow evening and be huge, matching nerds,” Sirius said with a nod.

Harry grinned widely. “Make Moony take photos. I want to put this up on my instagram.”

“You’re social media trash,” Sirius said fondly, and Harry grinned at him.

“Anyway, Moony got aloo and rice so dad can make curry for dinner, so you can come help me try all this shite on whilst they’re cooking.” Sirius was bodily pulled from the room, a feeling rushing through him that he couldn’t possibly be more content.

And as Harry paraded round in his new clothes that said, “Yeah I’m a boy and fuck your gender roles,” Sirius knew he was exactly where he belonged.

*** 

From his spot at the counter by the fridge, Remus listened to Harry going on about his purchases, and he smiled to himself. It got wider when warm arms came round him, and a nose pressed into the side of his neck. His hand reached up, cupping James’ cheek and drawing him close.

“You have to stop spoiling him like that,” James groaned. “He’s getting to be impossible.”

“I can’t help it. He’s got these big doe eyes and he’s got your sodding pout,” Remus groaned. It was true. Harry was the spit of his dad, and Remus couldn’t resist either of the Potter boys no matter how hard he tried.

And he had a bit, to preserve himself from getting hurt in case Sirius decided that James and the sex was enough for him and decided to leave. But months had gone by and all that had really happened was that he’d fallen in love with James as well, and had fallen in love with Sirius all over again.

Harry had come along soon after, inserting themselves into their little family like he’d always belonged. 

“Do I smell garam masala?” James asked, nosing Remus’ cheek again.

“You also have your son to blame for that. He wants aloo with masala curry.”

“Cheeky shit. I told him I’d make something proper this weekend.”

“Well now you get to do both,” Remus said. He turned in James’ arms and tilted his head up for a kiss. James held him painfully tender by both cheeks as their lips danced across one another’s and it was in that moment Remus felt home. It was in that moment he realised what had been missing all this time.

Now that he had it, there was no way he was giving it up.


End file.
